I love all things Sherlock Holmes and for someone like me...the planets have aligned! For the next few weeks I can over-indulge in my fascination with that character.

       My affection for him began four years ago in an unexpected way. It was a time of heightened stress. My husband Bill was in the hospital for an extended stay. My daughter Katie was finishing her senior year in high school. After being in the hospital for a week or so, Bill was transferred to a rehabilitation center. Katie was busy celebrating all those "last" moments of high school. My days were filled going between visiting Bill and attending Katie's year-end award ceremonies while trying to also have a more flexible work schedule.
       I stumbled upon a free download for my Kindle of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I discovered the steady predictable world of Sherlock Holmes in the midst of my own world in flux. Those adventures kept me company. It is no mystery why reading them brought comfort to me. The short stories, no matter how complicated and seemingly unsolvable, were always solved. There was closure. There were clear answers. The end came and it was satisfying. I suppose that is what I needed.

        The first Sherlock Holmes movie I had ever seen was in 2009 starring Robert Downey Jr. I loved his interpretation of Holmes. He had swagger. He was cocky and fast-talking. He wasn't the lanky, quiet, intellectual of the original adventures. But he was cool! When I read the book in 2010, I realized that Downey's Sherlock was not the same as the book. I was completely fine with that. My acceptance of that interpretation set the tone for my fascination of the all Sherlocks to follow!

       Benedict Cumberbatch is Sherlock Holmes in the BBC show: "Sherlock". I love this one! Katie introduced this to us about a year after it originally aired. It is set in 21st century London. The cinematography is beautiful. This Sherlock is quiet, pensive, moody, and can be harsh. Why do I like him so?!  Cumberbatch invites us in to the mysterious nature of Holmes himself. He is not easy to like and yet the people around him are loyal. There is something about him.
       The art direction and the filming take you along on the ride inside Sherlock's brain. You see all the clues as the great detective does, at lightning speed. Sometimes the viewer feels brilliant as they deduce along with Holmes. But most often we are left in his dust!

       In "Elementary", the ABC drama, Sherlock Holmes is played by Jonny Lee Miller. It is set in current day New York City. This version of Sherlock may be my favorite because we see all the sides to his complex personality. He is cocky and unpredictable; highly intelligent with a photographic memory; and yet vulnerable. Through this show we are invited in to the wounds that Sherlock carries and quite possibly led to the drug use that Arthur Conan Doyle included in the character he created.
       A delightful twist of this incarnation is that Dr. Watson is played by Lucy Liu. Holmes and Watson first meet when she is hired to be his sober companion. Their respect for each other deepens. Holmes teaches her and invites her to be an equal partner. Voila! Holmes and Watson are a team.

       I also just read The House of Silk, a new Sherlock Holmes novel endorsed by the Conan Doyle Estate and written by Anthony Horowitz. The characters and tone remain loyal to what Doyle created 127 years ago. It is a good satisfying read for fans of Sherlock Holmes.

       So what is it for me that I can't get enough of this character and the people who surround him? I think it will always be true for me that I find a certain comfort in "witnessing" when an unsolvable problem is solved. I like the complicated, complex humanity that has evolved for this famous detective as new people embody his skin and his mind. I like that his own vulnerability helps him see when others are in desperate need of help. Sherlock Holmes entered my life when I needed a story that was clear: good guys and bad guys, clues that do not get over-looked, and an intelligent mind to sort it all out. I admit there may be some sentimentality in my affection for the character and adventures of Sherlock Holmes. I am ok with that. And...I think he is cool!

       So Sunday night I will watch Sherlock and Thursday night I will watch Elementary. And maybe somewhere in between I will watch my DVD of the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes movie.
The game is afoot!

~Pam

"Can anyone's story start with her own self?" (Jesus Feminist)

Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women by Sarah Bessey
      This book was suggested to me specifically because I did not grow up in a church culture that limited or silenced women. My friend, Jen, wanted to know what I thought about it. Overall this book read more like a memoir for me, than permission to lead or claim my voice in my own church. I enjoyed reading Sarah's story and there were definitely parts that touched me.
       Her heartbreaking account of her miscarriage made me stop to catch my breath. Last year two of my good friends and their husbands suffered the devastating loss of miscarriage and so even though the pain was not mine, I felt it for them all over again. For me, I could relate to her brief account of the roller coaster emotions that come in mothering babies. I remembered back to when my daughter was little and how both difficult and joyful that time was for me.
       Sarah said, "What mothering taught me about God is that we need to relax into this relationship." I learned this twenty-two years ago and over and over since then!
"God gently mentored me in eschewing performance and impossible obligations and outsider standards in favor of freedom and creativity. Lived loved, we relax our expectations, our efforts, our strivings, our rules, our spine, our breath, our plans, our job descriptions and checklists; we step off the treadmill of the world and the treadmill of religious performance. We are not the authors of our redemption. No, God is at work, and his love for us is boundless and deep, wide and high, beyond all comprehension. He remains faithful."


Pastrix: the Cranky, Beautiful Faith of a Sinner and Saint by Nadia Bolz-Weber
       I got the chance to hear Nadia Bolz-Weber speak to a small group of church leaders about five years ago before she was given full-on celebrity status by the media. (I think it is the event she mentions in the book.)Yes, her unique voice shined and it was an interesting conversation. She was asked to come and speak about her newly formed ELCA church, House for All Sinners and Saints, in Denver. The main thing I took away from that day was her comment to the whole room that the Gospel is big enough for many types and incarnations of church. She wanted to be clear that what she is doing is not more authentic or more "real" than other churches. She affirmed that God's grace is present in the variety of ways we "do church" whether we use a grunge band or traditional hymns, modern art or stained glass, impromptu testimonies or sermons crafted by pastors. She does not see "her way" of leading and being community as the only way. (It is interesting that I do not remember her self-described confession of a failed Rally Day from that day I heard her speak - probably because that is a common story in every church. You put your heart and your energy into something and people don’t show up. You grieve it and then you move on.)
       One section that really touched me was when she told the story of helping a family after hurricane Katrina. She, like so many of us, (me included) get caught up in our own narrative – it’s all about me. Whether it is how I am helping this one family, how I experience church and other Christians, how I am appreciated in sharing my Super-hero talents and treasures with others, etc. Her honesty helps us see ourselves in similar situations. God works through us in ways we can’t imagine - even when we have a hard time getting out of the way.

      For me the power of both of these books is how God met these two women where they were. Their stories help us see God doing the same thing in our lives. For some people this is a new revelation and for others a holy reminder to see again. Our stories are always connected and intertwined because that is how our Creator first imagined us. We are not self-sustaining islands. We and our stories are the branches on a vine that keeps growing and creating and connecting.
      I recommend both of these books to inspire you to rediscover the sacredness of your own story. Our stories don’t start with us. They begin “In the beginning…” with breath and Word and light. Holy beginnings all starting in the same way and yet being lived out in infinite ways that can only be dreamed by God.

~ Pam

A postscript: I have known so many exceptional pastors. So many of you inspire me to be a better leader, more forgiving, and to serve with humility. You are not cookie-cutter pastors. You represent all the demographics – many years of experience, new to ordination, straight, gay, man, woman. There are so many exceptional pastors out there. There are easily a dozen churches in which I would like to be in community and worship in every Sunday! I hope books like these help shine the light on all of you.

Linger
     This is my word for 2014 and as I write this on the last day of December 2013, I am already beginning to doubt my choice. It is making me nervous... I suppose that is a good sign.

     For the past couple of weeks I have been making my running list of possible words for 2014. Some of them had the same tone as linger but didn't feel quite right. In the past I have chosen a word to guide my year and knew to be patient. My word would come to me. And it did.

     I was sitting in church on Christmas Eve taking in the glow of the candles and the listening to the last few notes of Silent Night being played on the organ when it came to me. The word just popped in my head. I knew that was it. Now looking back as my anxiety rises in anticipation of what living out this word might mean....of course I would choose that word in that moment! Those are the moments we yearn for. The moments of peace and quiet in which we want to linger and fill our lives: those Silent Night, candlelit, Christmas Eve moments. But how do you have those moments in the busy days the rest of the year?!

That is exactly the point. (Aha!)

    I am good at slowing down and taking time to be quiet and thoughtful. I treasure the moments when I linger in peace and quiet, whether it is reading, working in my garden, taking walks or turning off all technology. But what I have noticed about myself in the last three months is that I am either in peaceful mode or full-on charge ahead mode. I do not have a good middle ground. It came to me about six weeks ago in a moment of
embarrassment and shame when I realized I was apologizing for my behavior too much. Don't get me wrong. I needed to apologize. That was when it hit me that something was wrong. I needed to change. And that message of change came to me on Christmas Eve.

     So now I will make a practice of lingering in the moments that make me uncomfortable or sad or frustrated or completely stressed - not rushing through them. My most comfortable way of operating is processing, thinking through a problem and then moving forward. I am pretty good at doing that in a timely fashion...so I do. But how many people and relationships am I leaving in my wake?

     So...[deep breath] in 2014 I am going to linger. It makes me nervous about what is ahead. I need to keep in mind that all the words I have chosen in the past have unexpectedly blossomed in all areas of my life. They have taken me places and encouraged me to grow in ways I never imagined. I trust the same is ahead for me this year!
     
~Pam

(As I get ready to publish this and go public with my word choice, my body is covered in hives from a reaction to medicine. I am miserable with pain and itching. And yet…I have made the commitment to linger in what life brings. My first challenge…)

Cultivate
     As I think back on this year, I am grateful I chose the word cultivate. It inspired me in ways that surprised me all year long.
    I chose this word because I wanted to grow. I wanted to nurture in myself skills and interests that were either lying fallow or just not getting enough attention.

These are the places that benefitted from a year of cultivation:
1. Art and creativity - I took on a special project that began a month ahead and stayed with me through the whole year. I created a Liturgical Art Journal that followed the church year, from Advent through Christ the King Sunday. (Roughly November-November) I created a visual depiction of what inspired me in worship. I tried to let myself be open to whatever moved me that day: hymns, Scripture, the sermon, or just the overall mood. It was a challenge to put on the paper, mostly through the medium of collage, what I saw in my mind or felt in my being. It is a journal I will treasure and already have used it for my own devotional moments. Here are a few pictures.

    I attended two different retreats that helped me grow in my artistic skills. The first was in February at Shake Rag Alley Center for the Arts in Mineral Point, Wisconsin. My second retreat was at the St. John's Abbey in
Minnesota over the summer.
    What I learned from all of these artistic endeavors is that the more I create art just for the sake of pure creating, the more I am creative in all parts of my life.

2. Honoring the sacredness of creation - I attempted to be more "zen" about my yard. Gardening has been a
frustration for me. It feels like a battle every growing season. This year I tried to embrace the different parts of the growing season and see the miracles that are unique to each month. I planted a small vegetable garden. This was fun even though I had limited success yielding few tomatoes and peppers. It proved to me that my yard is just too shady for these plants. As for my flower gardens, I limited the use of chemicals and tried to care for them as naturally as possible. I became more mindful of the connectedness of all life. I also began using the word soil instead of dirt. Soil is its own miraculous living organism.
     I know I will continue this journey again in the spring. I highly recommend reading the book The Seasons on Henry's Farm by Terra Brockman if you are at all interested in mindful eating and food production. It has changed the way I grocery shop and now more fully support local and organic farmers.

 3. Professional Leadership - This was an area I didn't expect to be affected by my word of the year or even anticipate working on improving. Beginning in June, I participated in a six month leadership development course
through my Chicago area denominational organization. This is an example of the importance of sharing your word of the year with other people. I had been asked to participate in this and said no - turned them down flat. Then when the church leadership came back and asked me again, a friend who knew of my word "cultivate" told me maybe this was a way to live out that word in another way. That advice helped me see myself and this leadership course in a new way. Of course I should say yes! I am looking to grow.
     I am so grateful I did. The ideas and techniques I learned through the facilitators and my colleagues have
changed the way I work and how I live out my role as a leader in the church. I have begun mentoring a few leaders one-on-one. This has been very rewarding for everyone. In every conversation I discover more about myself and how I can do better. I also have changed how I interact with the leaders in my area of ministry at Faith. I am not sure they have noticed but I do not call them volunteers anymore. They are leaders. Each one in their own way are helping children and adults have a deeper relationship with God and others. That is leadership!

     I knew the word cultivate had connotations of growing and nurturing. That is why I chose it. All year it brought to mind for me that I am like the flowers and plants in my yard. Sometimes my own personal growth feels like a battle. I am pushing against rocks and weeds in the soil trying to find the nutrients and sunlight I need. I am grateful for my own gardeners, those to help prune and tend to me so that I will grow and blossom. Just like one of those time-lapse videos of a plant growing and blooming, my year of cultivation feels like that. It has been a year full of slow steps moving forward but as I look back I see all the beauty and growth that has come from the nurture I have received.

 ~Pam