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Simplicity Parenting - Book Review

2/17/2015

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Does your daily parenting feel like triage? (Compelling question, isn't it?)

This book was recommended to me by a mom at my church. Even though you may not know her, her recommendation is a good reason for you to read it. She is not a perfect parent but she pays attention and her decision making is thoughtful and intentional.

The author includes brain science to inform his claims about what "too much" does to our children and, I think, to us.
The four pillars of too much laid out in the book are:
      ~ Too much stuff
      ~ Too many choices
      ~ Too much information
      ~ Too fast
Payne then gives advice of how to cut back on all the things that bring "too much" into your child's life. It is about making hard choices and being intentional about the decisions you make. Even if you do not go to the extreme of adopting all of his suggestions, your home life will be more peaceful for everyone with small meaningful changes.

This book will bring up some push back from parents. Many will say he is out of touch of what being a parent is truly like right now. I think that reaction stems from fear because his argument for simplicity is so compelling. My advice: read this with other parents you trust who are at the same stage as your family. Read it with people you can be vulnerable with and who, out of care for you and your family, will encourage you as you try some of the ideas listed. I am convinced every idea you try to create a more peaceful home will be worth the effort.

I found myself adopting many of the techniques and ideas for myself in my own life, not only as a parent but for myself. (My daughter is 23. Our relationship is developing in a new way. She is back living at home after college.)


The two chapters that hit home to me were about making space for my brain to relax especially at the beginning and end of each day by de-cluttering key rooms in the house. I also am evaluating my day and how I work so that I can create a rhythm to my day that helps me let off steam and keep the creative ideas flowing. I have asked my daughter how she may implement some of these ideas.
As you can see, we all could use the power of less to enrich our lives - not more enrichment activities. Read the book with your spouse or some friends. Talk about it. Imagine how you could try even a few of the ideas to help your home be more calm and peaceful.


~Pam


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Jesus-A Pilgrimage ~ Book Review

2/11/2015

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Jesus - A Pilgrimage
By James Martin, SJ


In the danger of gushing too much about a book and then my recommendation falls short for the next reader....
This book was more than I could have hoped for. It was amazing! Deep! Emotional! Funny! Unlike any other book about Jesus I have read. (And I have read a lot.)

Now to backtrack:
I heard an interview with the author, James Martin, on the radio show On Being. Martin is a Jesuit priest. One of the ways he received attention in the public eye was that he was declared the "Chaplain of the Colbert Report" by TV personality, Stephen Colbert. I admit, that peaked my interest about this man.
The radio interview was compelling. I found myself wanting to know more about him and how he lives his faith. That is why I bought this book.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the book is a combination of his reflections traveling the Holy Land while imagining the life of Jesus, both the practical issues Jesus faced in his ministry and the impact of Jesus' life, death and resurrection on us.
It is the perfect combination of personal faith stories and struggles, scholarly insights and travel log. Perfect.

The flow of the book follows Jesus' life: beginning at the Annunciation of Mary and ending with Jesus' Ascension into heaven.

The book is long: 465 pages. Don't let that intimidate you. It is a joy to read. I would not use the word "easy" because as Martin intimately explores parts of Jesus' life and ministry, the reading is difficult. Jesus' life was difficult and we become immersed in that. Martin handles this most beloved subject with joy and grace. With apologies to all the good pastors I have heard preach - this is the best and most beautiful proclamation of the Word I have ever heard!

I highly recommend this book. I know I will come back to it over and over again.

~ Pam

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Do you feel peace?

2/2/2015

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Recently I asked a group of parents this question: Do you regularly have moments of peace in your life?

The question was raised in the midst of a book discussion about simplifying our children's lives and how even small adjustments reap significant benefits. The book that sparked this question is Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M Ross.

The book is powerful in itself as a tool to understand how "too much" effects our children's mood, sleep, learning and general well-being. It lists the "four pillars of too much: too much stuff, too many choices, too much information, and too fast." I realized that it is not just our children that suffer from this but also adults. If we want our children to simplify, than we need to do that too; and not just as parents but for our own selves.

Simplifying is not about removing the clutter of stuff or information. The root of this practice is about creating space so that we can more fully see our authentic selves and live into them. So I asked these parents the question about experiencing  peace. The trend in our group was that those with young children do not. The parents who have older (middle school children) did. We concluded that was a legitimate cause and effect: parenting younger children = less peace.

But then I started asking the same question to other folks, people with grown children. I found that the experience of feeling peace did not correlate at all to whether you have young children or not. It really is about how one lives life, how much one prioritizes down time or quiet/reflective moments, and one's personality. I asked people who I was sure they would say 'yes' but did not.

So what does this mean? It means that too many of us have "daily life that feels like triage" according to the book. We are moving from point to point without any rhythm to our day. There is no time set aside for renewal or rest: not sleep but rest. How can we expect our children to calm down and have self-control when we struggle with the same issues? Do we want their lives to mirror ours so closely? Who will model for them what rest and renewal look like in a full and meaningful life?

We all have different ways to fill our well. Here is what I have been doing for the past few weeks.

  • Begin my day with only natural light and lit candles. Sometimes I look out the window. Sometimes I read or listen to music. I wish I could do this longer but 30 minutes seems to be a good time for me.

  • I attend Morning Prayer at work each day at 11:45-12:00. It sounds like a "no brainer" but many days at that time I am in the middle of a project. I have come to realize that it is more important to pause with my colleagues then finish one more task.

  • Mid-day yoga break. At approximately 2:45, I set aside 15 minutes, turn off the florescent lights in my office and do some yoga stretches. It is amazing how only 15 minutes will invigorate my body and calm my mind.

  • Finally, at the end of the day I write in my Gratitude Journal. I began this ritual on January 1. I simply write 5 things from that day for which I am thankful. For me it is a helpful way to center my thoughts around all the good in my life.

Creating space in my life for renewal is crucial. On my best days I do all four and it is on those days I am more in touch with what makes us all holy. Some days all I can do is try to fit in one or two of these practices to help lessen the feeling that my day is only about triage. As I stated earlier, even the smallest pause in our day give us time to focus inward - not at ourselves but at the Holy One who made us.

So I ask you: Do you regularly have moments of peace in your life?

~ Pam



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    Pam Voves

    On my own journey as a dabbling artist, a lover of stories,
    and grounded by my call to accompany people on their journey of faith.

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