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The Importance of Making Time

9/20/2012

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Me and Katie at her high school graduation.
    I just read an article in Vogue magazine about Chelsea Clinton. (Waiting in the Wings, September 2012) It is about a young woman who is finding her own voice and her own path in life. Something I hope for and have been watching my own daughter develop. Different than my daughter, Chelsea Clinton grew up under extraordinary circumstances. She was born when her parents lived in the governor’s mansion in Arkansas and then was raised for eight years in the White House. She is in a very small group of children who can claim 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue as home.

    The thing that struck me about Clinton in this interview (It was a series of meetings as the Vogue writer was embedded for weeks as Chelsea worked.) is how well-adjusted, confident, and personally connected to friends  and family she is. Clinton also has a strong sense of responsibility to serve others.  All that we call “normal”. Or maybe more accurately, what we hope is normal for people. How does this young woman turn out so normal after having such an extraordinary beginning to her life? How did her parents keep her grounded? I think an important factor in who Chelsea Clinton is today is that her parents made time for her. We have heard many stories of how the Clinton family intentionally set aside time to be together. They shared regular meals together. They marked out time on their planners for each other. Usually they were simple activities. They shared the joys and struggles of daily life. 
 
     I think this is huge. Time! It may sound like an obvious question but – Why is time with our children so important?
 ·   Time together is when they learn they are an important part of a community, a family. They learn from their parents how to prioritize the people most important to them. They notice when their parents slow down to really listen.
 ·   Time together is when they learn to listen to others and value other people’s role in their lives. As the mother of an only child, I knew from the beginning that I did not want Katie to feel like the center of the universe. I love her and she is indescribably important to me but she is also part of a community where others are valued. I did not want her growing up to think that her opinions and her ideas are always the most important.
 ·   Time together is when we are human together. We make mistakes and hurt each other. Our children not only see us in our best light but also when we need forgiveness. 
·   Time together is when a family shares its values. When each member knows what is important to others and
then how we act on those values in the wider community.

    These are all the things our children learn from us, their parents, when we make time for them. And when we don’t…where will they learn of their innate value and how to share their gifts with the world?  
 
     This is something you hear about the Obama family as well: prioritizing and making time for each other. I am so impressed with how the President and the First Lady find ways to prioritize their children and family time. Are they, like the Clintons in the 90’s, just another family in an extraordinary circumstance being “normal”? But is it normal? I hear so many parents lament over how busy they are. I hear how they are too busy to sit down and eat together, to slow down enough (or turn off all the screens) to share in the ups and downs of the day, or to graciously have their children understand they are not the center of the family but an important part of their community.
 
     I honestly do not think that the new normal is that we are too busy to slow down and be together. I do think we are sometimes too willing to let our busyness be a badge of honor and our excuse. Every family is busy. Every family has unique demands and struggles. Every family also has the potential to make decisions that prioritize their family time together. Yes, stories of the Clinton family and Obama family impress me but I know families in my own life and my own church who do the same thing. I look to them as I hope they sometimes look to me for help and inspiration.

    It seems Chelsea Clinton has discovered her own path. That is something all parents wish for their children; that each child would have a strong sense of self and eventually a sense of purpose in and for the world.
  Those things can’t be rushed. It takes time. And that’s what we have to give
  them – time.


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Welcoming the Stranger

9/10/2012

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Last Sunday I stood at a crossroad. 

     Just as our last service was beginning, a homeless man walked in to our gathering area. At first it seemed he was simply looking for a restroom. I recognized him from volunteering at the homeless shelter, called PADS, in our town.  While he was in the bathroom, the ushers asked me what they should do. I felt like they were wondering if they needed to ask him to leave. I told them I recognized him from PADS. In my encounters with him during the morning shift, he is certainly not docile but he is not overly aggressive either. Most guests at the shelter fall somewhere in the middle. It is a hard and frustrating life. He also had never asked me for money. I told all this to the ushers and said to keep an eye on him.

     For the next few minutes I worked around the building cleaning up from Rally Day. When I came back towards the Sanctuary, I saw one of the ushers sharing a worship bulletin with our homeless guest. They were following along with the service in the hallway. As the pastor in front began the liturgy for Holy Communion, the man (I later learned his name is Clark.) was watching intently. He was fixed on what was happening. At that point I stood next to him and gently asked if he recognized what was going on in the sanctuary. Did he ever go to church? He answered a cautious, “Yes.” As he was watching, I asked if he recognized that it was communion. He turned and looked me square in the eye. “Communion?” (pause) “You mean the Bread of Life?” 

     Whoa! That is not a phrase commonly used by people with little church experience. He had been paying attention. It seemed familiar to him. So in that moment I felt like the right thing for me to do was to ask him if he wanted to go forward and receive Communion.

     Honestly, my intentions were not that welcoming when I first saw him in the building. Yes, we can let him use the restroom and then encourage him to move along. We have had our share of people come in on Sunday morning and ask for money. Our policy is that we don’t give out cash because there are many resources in our town that provide help for people. Many folks in their desperation get angry with that policy. I just figured we would refer him to one of the community resources, he would leave and then life would get back to normal.

     *Gulp*  I know! I can’t even believe those words are mine! Especially on a day when the whole focus of worship and the education hour was on launching a new initiative of evangelism. Our pastor preached about being open to those who are different and don’t know the story of Jesus. He emphasized the importance of accompanying and supporting people on their faith journey. We were celebrating (and maybe even congratulating ourselves a bit) on how great this new program was going to be for the people involved. And now I stood face-to-face with the reality of my pastor’s sermon. 

     In that “face-to-face” moment I knew my next thoughts and actions would be important. Would I be acting out the hypocrisy that those who are disillusioned with church believe about Christians? Would I turn him away so I could stay in my own comfort zone - even though moments before I was blessed as a leader for our new faith sharing initiative? Or would I remember why I love church so much. Would I remember the welcome I have always felt from others and the grace that God has shown me?

     I know this situation could be handled in many ways that would reflect the radical hospitality Christians believe. Can it get complicated? Sure. Relationships are. When Jesus teaches us to feed the hungry, clothe the
naked and welcome the stranger, he is telling us to enter into relationship. Yes the food and clothing are important but they are not the point of the teaching. Radical Christian hospitality is about relationship. Do we see Christ in the other person? Can we get past the messy humanness and see the Divine? When Jesus’ teachings are reduced to bumper sticker theology, they lose the depth of relationship God wants for all creation. Clark could respond to our welcome by coming back. How will we feel about that? I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen next for Clark and for my church. I do know that we are meant to accompany each other in all our human complexity. 

     In the end, Clark said he would like to receive communion. I did what I felt was the gracious thing to do in that crossroads moment. So I walked forward with him and coached him on where to go and what to do. As we were kneeling at the communion rail, I could tell Clark was out of his comfort zone.
And yet…. maybe… our homeless guest was also home.

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Book Review ~ Batman: Earth One

9/7/2012

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    I have never been a reader of comic books. Maybe it is because I have never really been properly introduced to them. Maybe it is because when I was growing up they just seemed silly. Whatever the reason…now I am – at least of the Batman: Earth One series. I just finished the first one. It is a new graphic novel written by Geoff Johns and pencils by Gary Frank. The story is compelling and the artwork is beautiful. I am hooked!

    I bought it for my daughter because she loves comic books, graphic novels and super heroes. When I saw in the bookstore I thought, “Great! What a perfect gift.” But it was the picture on the front cover, specifically the eyes that drew me in as a reader. The front cover pictures young Bruce Wayne standing in the rain at his parents’ graveside. Alfred is standing behind him, sheltering Bruce with an umbrella. Then looming behind that scene is the cowl of Batman with his piercing eyes looking right at the reader. It reminds me of the style in which centuries old icons were painted. Instead of the point of perspective vanishing off in the distance of the painting, that traditional perspective is reversed in sacred icons. The perspective vanishes into you, the viewer. You are a part of the sacred scene. Check out this well-known icon and see for yourself as you seem to be invited to the table of the Old Testament Trinity by Andrei Rublev. 
 
    The reader of Batman: Earth One is a part of the story before you even open the book. You are immediate drawn into the story through those eyes and the forced perspective the artist. We stand on the opposite side of the grave mourning with Bruce Wayne. But we see more. We know what will become of Wayne’s grief. 

     The story flashes back and forth between “then” and “now” – Bruce Wayne as a boy and Batman learning his way as someone seeking vengeance not only for him but for others as well. I am a casual fan of the more recent Batman incarnations. I grew up watching (and loving) the campy Batman starring Adam West on TV. But now…I am hooked. This is the first volume of the Batman: Earth One series. I feel the impatient frustration of all those Harry Potter and Hunger Games readers who would finish a book and then groan in misery because there was such a long wait until the next one was published. 

    If you have never read comic books or graphic novels, consider yourself properly introduced. There is something for everyone: the story is familiar with clever new twists and the drawings are beautiful. (Even the fight scenes!) For now, I think I will send this copy off to my daughter at college as I had planned. I will buy another one for myself to re-read as I wait, not so patiently, for the next one.

~ Pam

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    Pam Voves

    On my own journey as a dabbling artist, a lover of stories,
    and grounded by my call to accompany people on their journey of faith.

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