I had a great conversation recently. A friend and I were talking about the difference between friendliness and hospitality, especially in the context of church.

Friendliness tends to focus is on my own behavior. Am I smiling? Do I approach the person, share a story, make them laugh? None of these behaviors are bad. Friendliness is a great quality. Friendliness can also tend to keep interactions on a surface level. We settle for a quick, “Have a nice day.” or “How are you?” “What’s new?” without really waiting for an answer.

Hospitality is very different. It is not about me but about the other person. What does he need? What will make her more comfortable and feel welcomed? This is true for family and friends as well as strangers.  

The book Radical Hospitality: Benedict’s Way of Love by Father Daniel Homan, OSB and Lonni Collins Pratt, describes the first step in hospitality this way: Listen. One must open their ears and their heart and listen for wisdom. “Ultimately, hospitality is not about the table you set or the driveway you plow. Hospitality is about preparing the holiest of holies. It is about the heart you make ready. Yours.”
This means that hospitality begins before we even interact with someone else. How am I ready to be with you? That is much different than simple friendliness.

I realized the difference for myself as we were talking about sharing the peace. This is the part of the worship service where prompted by the minister who says, “The peace of the Lord be with you.” And the congregation responds, “And also with you.” For my congregation, this is close to a contact sport. Adults and children alike leave their pew and cross the aisle, shaking hands with many people. This raises both the energy and noise level in the room. There tends to be a traffic jam of people in the middle of the sanctuary. Many people find this invigorating. We have some older folks though who are not confident to join the mix. They may be a bit wobbly or introverted or hard of hearing.

There are two older men who I have noticed do not leave their spot during the sharing of the peace. I go seek them out. I have learned to slow down and lower my own energy level as I approach them. I reach out my hand and give a gentle warm handshake. I block out all the other noise, look them in the eye and gently share the peace. The look in their face is filled with gratitude. I have met them where they are. I have changed my own behavior to greet them in a way that is meaningful for them. I paid attention to the other person and saw what they needed.

That is hospitality! Noticing how my own behavior can limit an interaction and then adapting so that both people than connect authentically.
Friendliness is good. It can be warm and convey value in the moment. Hospitality is about more than the moment. It has the power to deepen relationships.

Hospitality involves risk. What if I make myself vulnerable and open and the other person just blows me off? It is a risky business to be open so that a relationship can deepen. While friendliness is important, we are not called to be friendly. We are called to risk: touch the leper, eat with the outcast, talk to the outsider, and follow the one who was killed for those same behaviors.

​~ Pam

I just finished reading Reality Grief Hope: Three Urgent Prophetic Tasks by scholar and theologian, Walter Brueggemann.
In the margin on one of the pages I wrote the words “convicting and encouraging”. I could have written that on many pages!

This book is a necessary read for all leaders of faith communities; not only for pastors but anyone who knows the importance of having a grace-filled voice in the politics and policy of our communities.
Walter Brueggemann wrote this 3 years ago. I wonder what he would make of today and the never ending line of misuse of power in the White House and beyond.

That misuse is causing deep division in the country. There are those that know it is happening and do not care. There are those that know it is happening and feel paralyzed with lack of power.
Brueggemann would say we need to take the third option: engage deeply in reality, grief and hope. He does not have a one-size-fits-all solution because there isn't one. He does encourage us to embrace relationships in our communities to claim our power thought the arts and practices of community organizing and in the sacramental work of hospitality. It is through relationship we replace the cycle of ideology-denial-despair of the world with the new way of reality-grief-hope which brings restoration. This is relational work.

Former Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill once said, “All politics is local.” Speaker O’Neill understood the vital role of relationships in politics and power. Many faith leaders shy away from the ideas of having power or speaking out on politics because they think it is not Christian or not “their place”. Walter Brueggemann would argue that it is essential for leaders of faith communities to be political citizens. They need to be aware of what is happening both nationally and in their local community so they know when to come forward as a leader to speak out and work against injustice that is contrary to the Gospel.

The Gospel is ALWAYS “we”.
It is always about relationship; healing, serving, forgiving, challenging, and loving each other for the sake of the common good.

In the chapter Hope amid Despair Brueggemann writes,
"A vigorous individualism has trivialized the common good, has reduced major societal needs to technical problems, and has neglected the infrastructure that is indispensable for a viable common good."
Being a public leader can happen in as many ways as there are people. It is important for each one to know themselves and know their community so they can find their voice.
This is why I also think Reality Grief Hope would speak to our Jewish and Muslim brothers and sisters. Brueggemann is an Old Testament theologian. The story of Moses and the lament and grief found in Lamentations, Jeremiah and Isaiah are central as well as the life and teachings of Jesus. It is crucial for people of all faiths to stand together for the common good.

Even if you have read Walter Brueggemann books before, this is a must.
​Then....talk about it!

~ Pam

Thoughts on lesson - Matthew 11:28-30 (Sunday, July 9)

Verse 28: Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
·        What does it mean to rest in God?
·        What does rest in God feel like?
·        Is it different than our own meditation, quiet time?
Yes! Most definitely!
Rest in God is renewing, peaceful, loving, tender, compassionate...other worldly.
It is what we yearn for when we are bone-weary: the all-encompassing drain we feel physically, mentally, emotionally, in our relationships and in our solitude. It feels like life is pushing down on you. There is no break. No time.
Once again (and still), God breaks into time. That breaking in does not end the causes of our weariness. When God breaks in, God joins us. God comes along side. God shares the weight of the burden.
 
Verse 29: Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.


A yoke is an instrument to distribute weight so the work load is shared. Mostly we picture a yoke on beasts of burden. When yoked together, they must work in unison.
​
​Jesus invites us to share his yoke. Jesus does not say, “Find someone else to help you” or “I will take away your pain.” Jesus says, “I will share your load. You are not alone. I will be right here, next to you…easing your pain.”
Just preceding this passage, Jesus calls his disciples. He tells them life as his followers will not be easy. They will be persecuted. They will not always be welcomed. In fact, people may push back at them and the message! Jesus reassures them he is with them helping to bear the weight they carry.
 
Verse 30: For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
This verse is among some of the most misused of Jesus words. Jesus is not saying that if you believe in him, life will be easy. That somehow, we earn an easy life by being faithful. That is not the promise.
The promise is that Jesus is with us, breaking into the realities of life. Jesus’ words give hope to the bone-weary. Life presses in on all of us. Jesus' promise is for you and me, for us.

With Jesus’ yoke, we do not struggle alone. We come to Jesus and receive gifts of the mystery of God – peace, grace and rest.

​~ Pam