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“The story I am making up in my head…”

5/18/2017

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That statement is from Brené Brown's book, Rising Strong. She says that our brains are always trying to make sense and bring order to situations we do not understand. To help process the information we perceive, our brains begin to make up stories. Issues arise when those stories we make up are not true. This is troublesome because we act (or react) like they are true and we begin building barriers to cope with that perceived truth which feels like an attack.

An example: Your sibling asks, “When is the last time you talked to mom?”
1.      You may start getting defensive: Why is my sister checking up on me? Doesn’t my brother know how busy I am with the kids and work? Is she/he implying I do not call enough?
2.      You may begin to imagine worst case scenarios: What is wrong with mom? Why doesn’t she tell me anything? Did she fall? Should I drop everything and call right now?
​
I have read Rising Strong twice. Once on my own and once in discussion with my colleagues. After reading it, I realized I do this a lot. I also heard from my colleagues that they do this as well. It is universal.

This phrase has come back to me as we are in a transition at church because our senior pastor took another call. I am aware that transition and change can be unsettling for people. I am trying to be more observant of our folks and reach out if needed. But…in being more watchful, I also catch myself making up stories in my head.
·        That person has looked mad the past two Sundays. Is worship not meaningful as it once was?
·        That family has not been in Sunday School since Easter. Are they looking for a new church?
·        Those three people are huddled in a corner talking quietly. What are they frustrated about and who will they bring in with them to side on their issue?

I know it sounds paranoid. Again, it is our brain trying to make sense of something in which we do not have all the information.

Where has this happened for you? With your spouse? With your boss? At church? With your teenager?

What do we do to stop the story-making in our head?
First, we take a breath and as Brené Brown says, “Get curious.” Notice what you are feeling. Recognize that those feelings are coming from you in that moment and not from facts you do not even know yet. For me this slows down the story-making and helps me be less reactive. When I am less reactive, I am a better listener.
Second, we listen: to ourselves and to others. That is what I am beginning to do at church. I have started meeting with folks one-on-one to listen. I ask, “How are you feeling in this time of transition at Faith and what are your hopes for the future?” These meetings require both people to be vulnerable as one shares and one listens. They are holy conversations. What I have discovered is that it is not important if I am right or wrong in my own story-making about that person. The beauty of these conversations is the mutual give and take of care that happens when we share and listen to each other.

In my church examples above, maybe that mad person is overwhelmed at work and can’t let go of the stress even on Sunday morning; or that family just began soccer season and it conflicts with Sunday School; or those people in the corner are sharing stories and antics about their grandchildren.
We do not know until we ask and listen. It is sometimes scary to do that, whether it is work or personal, because it requires us to be vulnerable. But that mutual care for each other that we all need, only happens in the midst of vulnerability.

I am going to continue to quiet the story-making in my own head. Story-making is draining.
I would much rather be a part of the life-giving, honest, mutual caring that that happens when we sit face-to-face and be together.
~ Pam
 
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Abundant Life

5/7/2017

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"I came that [you] may have life abundantly."

Jesus came to give us abundant life. Hmmm…..
So for any of us who feel that our life is less than abundant, what does that mean?


First, I believe it means we are not thinking the way Jesus is thinking. Jesus’ definition of abundance does not mean overflowing wealth, superior health, a bounty of relationships or simply lots of cool stuff. That is the human way of thinking. So if it is not that, what does abundance mean in the Jesus’ way?

Jesus also said in this Sunday’s gospel (John 10:1-10), “I am the gate.”
Is Jesus being a gatekeeper?!  Is he monitoring who gets access to this abundant life?!
The short answer is “no”. (That is the long answer too!)

The Jesus way is paved with mercy, forgiveness, love and justice. Jesus knows those are not necessarily the way of the world. Those are the gifts of Jesus’ abundance.

"I came that [you] may have life abundantly.
I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture."

There is no special key or pass code for the gate that is Jesus. The gate is open for all to enter; for all to come in and go out and find pasture. All. That is part of the abundance of the Jesus way.

That abundance is not only about the gifts we receive. It is also the way in which we give those same gifts to others: mercy, forgiveness, love and justice. It is the way we live, with our whole heart open and vulnerable to ourselves and others.

Living wholehearted is sharing our abundance and our needs freely following Jesus’ example.
Jesus says, “Do this”; share this meal, care for each other, teach the whole world about me and my abundance.

​And we do. (Or at least try our very best to do.) Not to gain entry through the Jesus gate but to live the abundant life that has already been given to us. It is there in the midst of heartache, illness, death, job loss, hunger, disappointment. Look to your neighbor her hands extended filled with the abundance gifts of Jesus.

​~ Pam


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Political or Partisan?

5/5/2017

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It is our right and our job as citizens to be political – to engage in our public civic life together. We speak our minds. We listen. (hopefully) We advocate for what we think are the best decisions and policies for the public good.

When we are partisan we are speaking or working on behalf of one side, one view, one candidate. That is not a bad thing. That is also our right at a private citizen.

There is a difference. That is why I do not agree with the executive order that was signed yesterday
“promoting free speech and religious liberty.” (quote from whitehouse.gov)

As citizens we have the right to free speech and religious liberty under the constitution. This issue arose during the campaign when conservative clergy (both in policy and theology) said they wish they could feel free to advocate in the pulpit to their congregations to vote for Donald Trump. The clergy I know say that is a slippery slope – to advocate for a candidate from the pulpit. Preaching is proclaiming the Gospel according to Jesus Christ. Preaching should never be advocating for a human. Preaching is advocating for the God of love and grace.

I know that people have different theologies and interpretations of the Gospel. I get that. That is why we talk to each other and listen to each other. That should be done in dialogue.

Language is important. I feel the language in this executive order is misleading and dangerous.
How will President Trump’s core supporters feel when Imams are the ones speaking out on political candidates in their mosques and in the public square? Will they be given a voice and space in the same way as conservative Christian clergy? I hope so but I doubt it.

My two cents.
~ Pam
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    Pam Voves

    On my own journey as a dabbling artist, a lover of stories,
    and grounded by my call to accompany people on their journey of faith.

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